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Reflection

The way you react to every situation, event, or people around you is merely a reflection of your inner world, of who you really are as a person, currently. It manifests our current status regarding our level of maturity and growth, understanding, attitude, and how we can control our emotions and thoughts.

I used to be bullied ever since I was a child, starting when I’m not yet even entering kindergarten. My childhood friends used to call me to name names, and that’s the beginning of my insecurities which are built-in since my childhood stage. I used to be taller than my friends and chubby at the same time. I’ve been mocked for how many times up until today. The bullying continues from kindergarten till I graduated from college, and even now that I’m almost finished with my master’s degree.

I used to secretly cried at night, then distracting thoughts are occupying my mind. Thinking I’m not worthy at all.

During the last quarter of 2020, I’ve faced a lot of challenges that brought me down to my knees and kept me crying till I’m worn out and wasted. It made me angry easily at everything, to everyone without any reason. Yes, I’ve become irritable. I felt so much pain, self-pity, that it made my chest literally aches and made me unable to move or walk out of weakness due to negative self-talk. I contained myself in my room, even though it’s summer and it’s sizzling hot. I don’t even have the appetite to eat, every meal became tasteless.

It took me 25 years to fully realized my own worth. I became tired already of hearing out other people’s opinions which I know are not my truth. I realized how many gifts I have, that my life is filled with so much beauty, happiness, and exciting events, people, etc. I began to take good care and value myself. Through this process that I embraced made me appreciate more everything that is surrounding my life, my past and present, my family, friends, and love ones. I decided not to hurt myself emotionally and physically because I value and love my family so much that I don’t want to hurt or disappoint them. Loving my family is enough reason for me to endure all the weight inside. I’m grateful to all the people that matter to me for they did not give up on me, especially during the lowest points of my life. You may not know what I’m going through, but your smiles made me stronger.

Glad I learned to let go, forgive, accept, and love my whole self at age 25. It’s so refreshing, just like an after-storm and darkness. I felt so light that I’m like flying, freely breathing, and just so grateful for every second of my life. And I promised myself that I will live happily from this day onwards. I embraced my past and grateful for all the experiences and lessons, it made me stronger and purposeful that I’m so excited about my future. But then living in the moment.

It is really true that everything that is happening to us is just a little percentage of the pie. While 90% is all about our reactions and actions. So dear friends, learn to grow each day. Love yourself and your life truly and you’ll definitely love others genuinely. Let’s live with grateful hearts each day!

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